Therefore I have hope…

We found out on August 4th that we were one of 3 families a birthmother wanted to meet. We were beside ourselves with excitement. We had less than 48 hours until we would meet her. I spent the hours trying to balance my emotions between overwhelming excitement and the reality that she may not choose us to be the parents of her child. My excitement overtook my caution.

The meeting was amazing. Our case worker told us they usually are. There was a calm and natural flow to everything. God guided our words as we laughed and even cried a little with her.

I did very little sleeping the night before the meeting. I took my spoiled dog outside very late the night before and found myself looking into the sky from our backyard. As I looked at all the stars I had a sudden (almost shocking) realization that within the next few days one family that had been on this adoption journey would be rejoicing while two others would be grieving. I remember praying then. Thanking God for His goodness and praying for His comfort for those who would be broken.

We found out that Friday that, although the birthmother thought very highly of us, she decided to place her baby with a family that had been waiting longer. I had tried to prepare myself for this. I had even prayed for comfort before, but I’m pretty sure my heart stopped at that moment.

For a few days I would just burst into tears when anyone mentioned it. My heart was shattered and there was nothing anyone could do to fix it. I told Nick I could not update anyone because all I wanted to say is that adoption is hard. And it is. But…

“This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. The Lord’s lovingkindness indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. ‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘Therefore I have hope in Him.’ The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him.”

Lamentations 3:21-25

The director of Bethany (our adoption agency) frequently reminds us that adoption is a calling. We feel very strongly that this is where God has led us. We take comfort in the fact that His word promises us that He will never leave us nor forsake us.

We are overcome with joy for the family that was chosen. It is the answer to their prayer. I still pray every night for the birthmother we were blessed to meet, the baby, and the family she chose. We were never mad. How can you be mad when God is bringing together a family that will be filled with love and where a child will be taught of God’s goodness? We were sad it was not our time. We know that the moment we are able to hold our baby, all the waiting and roller coaster of emotions will fade and it will have all been worth it. We know God is faithful. We know this baby from this mother will be loved.

One of the hardest things was telling all the people we had told about the meeting that we were not the family that was chosen. It might have been much easier had no one known. But we want your prayers and lean on your support, so we told.

Please continue to love us through the wait. Some days it feels impossible, but it is in the impossible we see how God is able to do more than we could ever dream or imagine.