Meeting Our Birthmother

We did not sleep well on Monday, December 21st. To be totally honest, we did not sleep well for the previous day or two. Tuesday, the 22nd was our scheduled day to travel to Johnson City and meet with our third birthmother. Our excitement was high, but two previous meetings with birthmothers who had not selected us had us trying to keep our excitement and anticipation in check.

It is physically impossible not to get excited when you know you have an upcoming meeting. It is foolish to try and keep yourself from becoming to invested in day-dreaming (and even nighttime dreaming) of how this singular meeting can completely change our lives so drastically.

It is about two hours to travel from Knoxville to the Bethany Christian Services office in Johnson City. Our meeting with the birthmother and pregnancy counselor was set for 11am. Therefore, logically, Kayla and I were up at the crack of dawn and on the road by 8am. Kayla was too nervous to eat, but I downed a Sonic junior breakfast burrito as we cruised down I-40.

We arrived at the office at 10am and found that the place was locked up and the lights were off. Do we have the right date? Are we at the right location? Is this supposed to happen in Knoxville? Those are all thoughts that were racing through my mind (and Kayla’s too) but I was not going to voice them because I did not want to make Kayla nervous.

For about 45 minutes we sat in the car and talked, prayed, listened to music, and waited with bated breath for 11am to come. By 10:55, with no one at the office, we started to worry. The second birthmother we met had dropped off the radar and stopped contacting Bethany. Had this birthmother done the same? We had been so excited about this meeting and now it seemed like we had driven all the way for nothing.

Finally I broke down and called the Knoxville Bethany office just to double check that we had everything (time, date, location) correct. We were quickly assured that everything was correct and that Wanda (the pregnancy counselor) had been at court with another birthmother that morning and was likely just running a bit behind. A quick phone call to Wanda confirmed that she and the birthmother were just a few minutes away. Phew …

By 11:05ish Wanda arrived and we greeted her and the birthmother as they got out of the car. We instantly felt a good connection with the birthmother. She was kind, warm hearted, and very friendly. There are so many stereotypes about what a birthmother is like but having met three different ones I can say with certainty that each one was so very different and no stereotype fit any of them. They are real people living real lives, no different than you or me.

The meeting quickly moved inside and after a few minute hiatus for bathroom breaks our time officially began. The conversation flowed easily and it did not feel like a meeting at all, but rather like a group of people sitting down at a social event and becoming friends. It is customary to give the birthmother a small gift when meeting them and so Kayla handed her a card, and cute decorative container housing some freshly baked and decorated cookies.

What is not common is for the birthmother to give the adoptive families a present. However, our birthmother quickly reached into her purse and removed a stack of ultrasound pictures. It was apparent that these were cherished by the birthmother. However, with a big smile she handed them to Kayla and said “Here, I thought you would want some pictures of your baby girl.”

…. Talk about chill bumps! First, just hearing those words is enough to send a shiver of excitement down your spine. However, even more than that is the fact that birthmothers do not generally pick a family until a few days after a meeting. In fact, Bethany recommends that each birthmother meet with 2-3 families and after meeting them all to take a few days before deciding. However, our birthmother told us that the moment she saw our profile book she had made her decision and not only was not meeting any other family but did not need additional time to make her decision.

For the rest of our hour meeting we spent a great deal of time simply getting to know the birthmother better and begin to build a relationship with her. There was no stress to impress or “sell” ourselves to her. She was able to be herself, we were able to be ourselves and we all left very happy! Other than the ultrasound pictures, perhaps my favorite part of the meeting was when the birthmother asked if we had picked out a name yet. After a second of hesitation (I was afraid she would not like our name lol) we told her that we had picked “Amelia”. She quickly replied with how much she liked it, and how she would start calling her Amelia in the womb.

A little after noon we left from the Bethany office with huge smiles, beaming hearts, and hungry stomachs! It was time for a trip to Cracker Barrel and to make some very excited calls!

Coming up next … prepping for Amelia’s arrival!